Looks?

Looks are almost everything to this date in this cruel society, don't you dare deny this.
When people are praising you like, "hey you're pretty." "you look like barbie doll" "you're quite cute you know" "you're likea japan girl", how would you feel, proud? confident? elated? shy?
Do you know how I felt? None of the above.
I feel guilty. Like I've been deceiving people, giving them this delusion.
I got these praises when I had my make-up on and people totally turned off when they saw my naked face. Yeah totally chui.
I know, you might think, if receiving praises are so torturing to me, why not just don't put make-up and just live it simple? Well I wanna look presentable and not embarassing the people who's hanging out with me.
I'm actually fine with my looks, I don't pursue perfection but as you know, this era of people are fucking mean especially when they open their mouths. I've gotten like, "wah she sure photoshop her pictures one la see her real life kns" "pictures very nice but rl.." "i was shocked she looked like this" WELL SORRY TO DISAPPOINT YOU SIR/MDM.
One more thing, I DO NOT PHOTOSHOP. ITS CALLED EFFECTS & MAKE-UP & SKILLS.
After these demoralising comments, I have lost my confidence.
My lack of confident became an excuse too. For example,
- "I don't want a relationship because my non-make-up face will scares my boyfriend away"(well it always scares my sister almost every night HAHA.)
-"I don't dare to take fashion design la. You got see fat designer before meh?"
-"no point shopping. wear what also same."
-"aiya no need facial-care products la, ugly jiu ugly liao."
AND A LOT MORE. my friends know it HAHA.
Sometimes I even joked like, "hey i should fly to taiwan and participate the before-and-after makeup competition, my chui face cfm win sia!" well everybody agreed.
Then I realised, it's not people who demoralises me anymore, it was me myself.

I have friends who have been encouraging me, kept urging me not to makeup anymore, and saying actually I looked fine without make-up. Well thanks darlings. I began pulling myself up, trying to gain back what's lost. I love doing make-up, just hate relying on it. I love dolling up because it surprises people that I look different with every style. And I realised that, the more you hide yourself, the more people like to dig dirts outta you so let it out! That's why I posted one of my no-make-up face picture on Facebook and you know what? Nasty comments decreased rapidly and starting to cease. Because when truth is out, there's no point gossipping anymore.

Well what I've been trying to say is, if you think you're not good-looking, there's no wrong for girls and boys trying to look good what, so just doll youself up! But please, don't lose confidence, accept what you are, be a lil proud, you have to love and respect yourself, leaving no opportunities for people to use your weakness against you. Grab hold onto that and live it smooth with good personality, you'll radiate something that attracts people to you, and they are the real true people you should cherish, rather than people who come to you only because you're a mf pretty princess, seriously, can looks earn money? even at geylang they earn money by body not face. To me, looks probably can earn sympathetic.
You just have to accept the fact that there is always someone who's prettier than you.

If you're really that kind of epic person that thinks you must be the prettiest living human on earth, then start saving money and go for a surgery or surgeries lol. At the end of the day, you realise what you had lost and never ever can get it back.

The nature, the first face, the individual one & only creation from God.

Cheers.

It's not a dead end

There are no final destinations, there is a future.

This morning I've got a call from MDIS.
YEAH BABY I GOT IN IM GONNA BE TAKING PRIVATE DIPLOMA
Im that excited that I literally perked up from my oh-my-so-comfortable bed at 11 in the morning(im a lazy-bum who only wakes up after 12)
Yea private course is freaking expensive considering it pays all at once but if you calculate the 3years in poly plus retaking O lvl, it's gonna be overestimated what I'm paying now so yep, I'm taking the easiest route and shortcut. I have to accept the fact that I cannot get my freaky head into studying, what's more, my course doesn't need subjects *grins big big*

O level.
Although I started studying at the eleventh hour, it was the most hardworking moment I ever had in my seventeen years of my life. I even cried while trying to get all the cliffs, floodplains, ok those geography stuffs into my stupid head. But I guess God did heard me, those topics really showed! I was elated of course but so? Combined Humanities likea useless, I got a pass and also Chinese which I took in 2010 o level, and the rest? FAILED.
But my usual F9 subj, POA, showed up as 7 in my cert, WOAH MAN.
On the day getting back our results, my girls got back theirs first.
They did badly, and I broke down even before getting mine. Why? Use butt also can think that I confirm failed when my friends are on the verge of failing. So, I cried, and cried and my mom suggested me to go home and don't bother taking it anymore. She meant well.
My turn. Of course failed. But there's sort of a relief I don't know why. I kept repeating to my teachers that, well I deserved it, I wasn't that disciplined in school so SERVE ME RIGHT HAHA lol. And I had this curve on my face while my friends all down.

I was really lost. It's like wandering in a forest with no signs and arrows pointing which is the right. Teachers couldn't help either because they are smart, they passed so they don't know where we should go, or rather where we can go. Well after waves and waves, always listen to your parents, they understand you the most and know what you could do even your own self don't know what you're good at. My dad knows it all. He suggested me taking fashion design course in private school because re-taking o level is just a waste of time for me, he knows it, he knows I don't like study and I won't be disciplined to do it, and i'm super lazy so straight taking diploma would be the best choice and fashion design? I could do whatever I like, I don't have to listen to anyone, I am my own boss. Love dad so much, I never knew myself until he described me and it's very true. If not, I was going to take up hospitality course but dad knows I couldn't be tamed.
SO, TO PEOPLE WHO FAILED, don't think its the world end(I actually thought that and wanted to end my life but committing sucide is a crime! It only burden your family.) Ok I sound stupid but if you ever work so hard on something but failed, all motivation lost and it's like there's no reason more for me to live on. BUT I WAS WRONG. There are so many paths lined up, I just have to choose the right one for me. I'm not encouraging all to take private diploma course but to tell you that, you yourself actually know what's the right way to go but you have no guts to walk through it. Hey, just walk the hell over it. There is always paths lined up after each.

I love my family so much. Although they expected my results, but they supported me all the way. They respect my decision. I know I had disappoint them but I will do them proud someday. Just that it's a different way of expressing from other kids.
I feel fortunate and blessed. Maybe too spoilted that I took everything so lightly and reluctantly but this hit really wake the hell outta me.
So, I know this sound outdated, but don't give up. It doesn't matter where you will end up, ITE? Private course? Retaking O? Just go. Don't go poly for the sake of poly and ended up taking the course you don't like. I once thought that "can go poly then ok already", but my dad made me imagined the rest of my life cleaning shit and corspes..god i will die. So, choose what you like not where you like ok.

Anyway, you determined your own life, you don't have to prove others wrong, you do yourself justice and people eventually will be awed by your changes.

Cheers.